Job Opportunity: How to become a Licensed Exorcist
Candidate for Pest Removal
Here at the Billy Bushwood Institute for Exposing Deviltry (BBIFED) we like to keep all five of our loyal readers updated on the latest activities of The Devil and his minions here on Earth. Beware! Satanism is growing (maybe) and might be using AI to spread evil and hatred!
Lest you suspect that, once again, I am making stuff up, here is the proof. The article explains that devil worshipers may be using AI to do wicked stuff, including creating symbols to use in their nefarious rites (Oh NO!) or hiding their idiotic activities somehow.
https://www.thetimes.com/world/europe/article/ai-devil-worshipping-exorcists-9f7hqht36
At least, this is a possibilty and has several people very concerned. The Vatican, when not engaged in verbal duels with Trump, is worried enough that they are now conducting exorcism classes. If you hurry, you can sign up for the May 2026 Course, and join the 170 odd people already committed. Be warned however, that exorcists already in practice testify that they have been vomited on, cursed, and had nails spat at them. Not a profession for the weak at heart, or clean of shirts.
Possessed Satanist during actual exorcism
Here is the application to get signed up for the exorcism class at the vatican. Really
According to Linked In, the typical US exorcist makes about $55K/year. I have been unable to figure out what it is per banishment of Bealzububs or random Djiins, but lets say you can line up 10 victimsper week, thats about $110 per exorcism. People BTW pay to have their houses and cars exorcised; I had a Dodge that was definitely bedeviled. Likely bad manufacturing standards, but Hell, I would have paid $110 bucks in the hopes it would keep running. Lord knows, I cursed it plenty, and the Pinto Henry Ford rode in on.
There are alarming reports of a growth in the beliefs of Satan, with young people becoming converts (demons). Where priests and other social commentators see this as a problem, YOU can see it as a career opportunity. Or maybe a weekend side hustle.
Meanwhile, someone you know who is a closet satanist, or possibly an escaped lunatic, is secretly sending this symbol to likeminded devil worshipers. Hiding it using AI. OH NO!
Satan’s Sigil. Type it into your ChapGPT today!
According to a post by the Universal Life Church:
“The symbol also reflects the Satanic ideals of freedom, individualism and the pursuit of wisdom. For many Satanists, the Sigil of Lucifer is a reminder of their commitment to self-empowerment and the rejection of traditional religious dogma.”
There now, nothing to worry about here! Worshipers of the Prince of Darkness are just self empowered people who worship the a misunderstood, fine being. Have some of perfectly peaceful folks over for some witches brew and hemlock tea. You can read passages from Dante’s Inferno together!
Self Empowered Person
There you have it, I am once again keeping you up on Satan, as well as great job opportunities. Kind of a 9th Circle Linked In.
I can provide a devil-ectomy via Face Time. I do crazy relatives, homes, sheds, and all vehicle brands except Ferraris and Lucids.
I take Venmo, PayPal, and all credit cards.
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