I rate movies on a 1-10 star basis. no half points, that’s just equivocation.

Movie rating: Three stars

Watched this movie yesterday. It is a Quentin Tarantino vehicle that he even acts in. Along with George Clooney and Selma Hayek. Its actually a zombie movie scotched taped to a B movie titty flick.

Watch only if you have no other way to see topless chicks gyrating mindlessly. But wait, you are on the internet. So that’s out.

I really hoped I would like this movie, but realistically, it sucks. The dialog has not one single line that’s original. The action, with heads and body parts flying around indiscriminately, is amateurish at best, annoying at worst. The plot, such as it is, makes no sense at all.

Spoiler alert: Clooney and Tarantino murder some guys in a bank heist, then escape to a huge titty bar in the middle of the Mexican desert. To meet Cheech Marin, to whom they owe some of the stolen money. Why such an establishment would be located there, is a total mystery. There are no customers living nearby.

Turns out that everyone there is a vampire, but really they act like zombies. As pathetic at killing as a Star Wars Storm Trooper. Its like a Bond final scene at the villain’s volcano lair. Except gory for no reason except that’s how Tarantino rolls.

My recommendation, watch ZombieLand, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead instead