Stupid Houses

I know many of you love to watch the multitude of shows featuring people trying to buy houses for less than they are worth, or fixing them up under the impossible circumstance of having contractors that show up, do good work, and don’t abandon the project with 20% remaining on the job. I call this “houses impossible” unreality TV.

At least though, you are all watching people buying or renovating houses reasonably regular in design. Normal people, acting normally in a domicile based theme world.

Then there are the people who live in houses likely built by the architecturally insane. I have only enough of any readers’ mindspace available to present a few such monuments to bent minds and the ability to piss away vast sums of money on homes that cannot be resold except to lot scrapers.

Stupid House Example 1: This house clearly inspired by Darth Vadar’s helmet. Why anyone would want to have to skulk unseen into their own home every day, rather than suffer the insults of the neighbors, I can’t say. I hope the architect responsible for this monstrosity got paid in Pez dispensers.

Stupid House #2: Check out this mistake on a lake. The land alone is likely worth $1.5M. This house is valued by Zillow at $1.3M. So having to destroy the idiotic house and cart away the debris is valued at -$200K. Rumored to have been built by a drug dealer completely addled by the consumption of his own merchandise. This monstrous homage to medieval architecture has just three bedrooms but as a plus has numerous arrow slits, and nominally defensible walls. Hot oil ducts are available as an option. Do yourself a favor, summon the bulldozers and build some lake front mcmansions instead.

Stupid House #3. This home most closely resembles the piled up remains of a disassembled farm equipment warehouse. Or possibly a star wars vision of crashed space ships. Clearly the “artist” who caused this eyesore to infest the local town has the taste and vision of howdy doody. I challenge you to come up with a derisive one word description of this….repugnance. My own is “Heinous”.

Stupid House #4. Lets say you woke up one day and said to yourself, this 4 bedroom colonial is just too boring. I need to live in a unique house, that will impress my friends. So you see in the paper that the town is selling the old water tower, and you think, yeah, I want to live inside that. The next thing you know, you have spent $2M to convert a rusting hulk into… this monument to your penis. If you ever get such a feeling, have your spouse whack you upside the head with a shovel.

Stupid House #5. I will finish this snarky post with a picture of this….awful pile of lumber. It looks like picture of an STD under a microscope, painted to look like a barn. Or the result of a child with a warped mind and a set of melted legos. This house should be egged every halloween.

Well, that’s enough stupid house mocking for now. There are literally hundreds of examples of people deciding to pay big bucks to live in stupid looking houses. Unfortunately, there are even more examples of stupid looking government buildings. You taxes paid for those. Try not to cry.

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