Yes, We have No Shrimps

 

shrimp

The Threat of a Shellfish Shortage Worldwide

https://www.businessinsider.com/cocaine-in-shrimp-part-of-drug-filled-shellfish-trend-2019-5

Billy Bushwood here, as always on the lookout for alarming news to help you get depressed.  For those of you enjoy snorking down bowls of shrimp, clams, oysters, mussels, etc.  there is a real risk you will be  forced to eat a fake veggie equivalent soon.  (For more fake meat fun, head to Burger King for their all kale and spinach Impossible Whopper.  Yum!)

The looming shortage of shellfish will be caused by this alarming news, that traces of Cocaine, Ketamine, Opiods, and Lexapro have been found within their populations.  Presumably the delectable crustaceans are ingesting these random pharmaceuticals when the products are thrown in the toilet during police raids.  (No self-respecting drug addict is going to flush valuable drugs down the toilet without cause, right?)  I wonder, do they snort, swallow, or inject their drugs?  Do they even have noses?

There is no news that they are now easier to catch given their presumably drugged state.  But we can assume they will soon be fished into extinction due a surge in demand.

That surge will be, of course, driven by our drug addled population looking to combine their appetites for Po-Boy sandwiches and getting high.  The truly desperate may actually add some coke as a condiment to their shellfish repasts.  (In Seattle, there is a rumor that various drugs will be available on the tables at most restaurants, to facilitate this gustatory trend).

So I strongly urge you to get your shrimp now.  Not only will you enjoy your Bang Bang Shrimp before is called Bang Bang Tofu, but you just might get a bonus high out of it.  Or turn your anxiety down a few notches.  A remedy for the anxiety caused by this post.

 

 

One thought on “Yes, We have No Shrimps

  1. Quite funny!  I do wonder about the term SNORKING though.  As far as I can tell – in the 3 minutes I spent on the Google – snorking is most commonly a misspelling of snorkELing, often on TripAdvisor reviews of Caribbean locales or on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/snorking/?hl=en Perhaps you meant the Norwegian verb to nork, i.e.: snoring?  While it doesn’t make sense, it does confirm your Nordic inclinations. Apotek 1

    | | | | Apotek 1

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    Or you may be referencing the children’s story characters – the Snorks?  The film rated just one star on imdb but the characters run deep….”Snorks” A Snorking We Will Go/Now You Seahorse, Now You Don’t (TV Episode 1984) – IMDb

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    | | | | “Snorks” A Snorking We Will Go/Now You Seahorse, Now You Don’t (TV Episo…

    Directed by Ray Patterson. With Michael Bell, Nancy Cartwright, Peter Cullen, Joan Gardner. The Snorks go campi… |

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    Sorry to go all English major on you but years of abuse about my major have taken their toll. Be well,  Barbara Buzzell

    Like

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