I bet you all think this is another blog about the election. Well, I guess it is, but its also about gambling, politicians, ugly buildings, and hookers. Got your attention? Yessss!
BTW, Don’t forget to vote for Carlos Danger for President, aka Anthony Weiner. Wave your Wanker for Weiner!!! The Billy Bushwood Sarcastic Blogger’s Party is solidly behind him! And accepting donations!
It has come to my attention that in just 2 short months, MGM will be opening a full on casino just south of Washington DC. The metaphorical elements of this just make a cynical snarkster such as myself giddy.
To begin with, the Casino is as true a metaphor for the way that our sorry government now works as anything that a hack writer (such as myself) could make up. It was built with help of massive bribes and political payoffs, is ugly, and cost a half billion (40%) more to build than the original plans. Sound familiar? Like every government project EVER built? If not, you clearly have not been paying attention. Anyone take a gander and the Native American Building? An uglier building you seldom see, it cost $200 million to construct, undoubtedly with major cost overruns. Just one example of thousands.
We all know that casinos are where life savings go to die, and suckers who once took home two hundred bucks at their local bingo parlor get convinced that they know how to absolutely clean up at baccarat. Huge sums of money are wasted in the attempt at winning fortunes at the tables by delusional losers. Is this not much like our hopes and dreams for positive outcomes from our hapless government, now going on approximately 16 years since our last president with some modicum of competence (Bill Clinton)? Every four years we roll the dice, putting our hands over our eyes, and hoping against all experience that somehow, this time, we roll a lucky seven. Time and again we roll craps, and come up with bozos like Bush and Obama.
I argue this is the same experience anyone is likely to have at your average casino, where humongous monuments to corporate ego and over the top decadence are built on the inevitable losings of its patrons. To get the government equivalent of this, consider the Capital Building, a multi billion dollar ediface where congresspersons impervious to losing elections shamelessly waste billions of your money everyday. The result is unworkable healthcare programs and museums dedicated to nudity and illegal drug consumption near Woodstock, NY. And although not ugly, it cost a fortune and is a monument to forlorn hopes.
Just one month before the Casino is slated to open, we will have taken the ultimate gamble and chosen between Hillary and Donald. Two sorrier examples of presidential timbre have not been seen the Buchanan vs. Fillmore election of 1856. Fillmore showed his Presidential caliber by running as the nominee from the Know Nothing party, which could have sponsored both of our current choices. Buchanan had a nice resume but the backbone of a garden snake. Despite their obvious deficiencies, you have to wonder. Can we dig up Fillmore and stuff him in the oval office?
So why not build a casino in Washington, enabling our Congress and Executive branch to run up trillion dollar debts all day, financing high speed trains that no one will want to ride, then repair to private suites at the MGM? Once there, they will be feted with chateaubriand, free $1,000 poker chips, and a choice of hookers of all sexual inclinations. This by infrastructural mega corporations The bribes will be in nine figures, the cost overruns in the billions. Live for today, live off bribes tomorrow!!
We all know that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas? Why not “Who gets laid in the DC Casino, gets a free pass in DC?” Toss a few crumbs (and chips) to the press, they’ll play along. How often do the ink stained wretches get to enjoy the glamour of a big time casino??
There you have it, we are going to roll craps on November 8th. Let’s go blow our life savings at the MGM Casino, before our Congresspersons spend it all on the next few bridges to nowhere.