Person Meditating at Home for Free
Note: This blog is even better when simultaneously playing the song “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits.
Here at the Billy Bushwood Trend Minding Institute, we focus on the truly trivial issues of the day so that you can be free to catch up on reruns of Duck Dynasty and How to Bother Your Parents (I am not sure that this is a real show but apparently every kid under the age of 18 picks up their ideas somewhere).
So reading the erudite and snooty Wall Street Journal, we were alerted to a story about actual businesses that charge clearly brain damaged customers actual money to meditate on their premises. The link to the story is here, so you know we did not make it all up. (We make stuff up all the time, so you need to watch out for that).
Note: You may have to pay money to read this article, but since it will be the inspiration for your chain of Meditation training outlets, it will be well worth the investment.
Meditation, for those of you too busy to have been initiated into its many reputed healthful benefits, means sitting around doing nothing. Apparently, something your useless Uncle Freddy has been doing his whole life, without the benefit of hours of expensive training in trendy clubs, is something you can also now pay money for. And you can guess that spending time in an athletic club in NYC or San Francisco is not as cheap as sitting in a booth at your local McDonalds sipping discounted senior coffee.
Those of you not working as an NBA point guard, or trading bonds at Goldman Sachs, probably are astounded to learn that the well heeled spend money to sit in a dark room, or a specially-designed pod, or a hammock, doing nothing. However, assuming the sober minded and usually reliable journalists at the WSJ are not prone to creating fiction for their own amusement the way we are here at the BBTMI, it is true that this is a thing now.
After you get over laughing at the absolute inanity of spending money for something you can do at home in your own bed FOR FREE, if you are like me your next thought is, HOW DO I GET SOME OF THAT DUMB MONEY TOO? As always, the Bushwood Blog tries to feature solutions, not just thoughts. So, at no cost to you, here is my business idea. Franchise fees, at 10% of your gross revenues, will be expected however.
Go down to the local strip mall where they a have workout place. Position a large garden shed in the parking lot out front, with no lights or electricity in it. Place as many hammocks in there as you can, play a recording of chimes tinkling on an endless loop, and charge good money to people unable to do nothing at home without guidance, say $85 per hour to sit in there. You can even get your useless Uncle Freddy to dress in a vaguely Asiatic robe, and pretend to teach people to do nothing. Hey, he is already an expert, right? It is not like he is committing consumer fraud, or anything.
If you can set enough of these Meditation sheds around, you can coin money. And with enough money, you too can understand what is must be like to be Adam Sandler-getting rich for providing no discernable value whatsoever.
Maybe he will invite you over to his crib in Malibu, and you can trade ideas?