This is an update to a post written back in 2016, so you will see (that without giving me proper credit or remuneration), several have been adopted by major league baseball.  But of course, the game still needs a lot of work.

Inspired by the groundswell of requests to write a post about fixing baseball, (one person) like the one just updated and re released on soccer, I submit the following.  Bobby Manfred, you listening dude?

Currently, major league baseball consists 25 strikeouts punctuated by occasional homers, and batters stepping out to spit and adjust their privates.  Games can take four hours, more if there are extra innings.  You really have to be reading a novel, or grooming your cat, or something to fill in between the pitiful lack of action.


  1. Pitcher has ten seconds to pitch. Otherwise the batter gets a ball.  THIS MAY GET IMPLEMENTED IN SOME FORM
  2. Once the batter is in the box, they stay there unless beaned or their bat breaks. Stepping out costs a strike.
  3. Maximum five foul balls. After that, you are out. Is there anything more annoying than watching batters tip balls out of play endlessly?
  4. One pitching change per inning. Don’t you absolutely despise the parade of righty/left matchups, with a warmup for each new pitcher?
  5. While we are taking potshots at relief pitchers, why do they need to warm up on the mound? Haven’t they been out there in the bullpen, polluting the dirt with foul and nasty chewing tobacco expectoration, while warming up for the last half hour?  Jog in and pitch the freekin ball, dammit.
  6. Allow celebrations over home runs and strikeouts.  For some reason, it is some huge offense to celebrate achievements.  This is known as “showing up” the opposing players.  Who are these pussies with such fragile egos, anyway?  You got beat, bear up and endure some preening.  You get to do it next time, after all.  The game takes all the fun and exuberance from the players and quashes it like a Dean Wormer at a frat party.
  7. Infielders stand in the infield, and a max 2 in infielders on either side of the 2nd base bag.  Violations create an automatic walk for the batter at the plate.  No more softball shifts.  Its killing the game.  NOTE SOME PROGESS IS THIS DIRECTION.
  8. Add cheerleaders. Clearly missing a big attraction here.  Broadcast on the jumbotron, and have some of them randomly serve beer in the stands between innings.  This would have the dual benefit of more fans and higher beer sales.
  9. Use the computer to call balls and strikes. It is absurd that stat heads keep track of how good catchers are at fooling umps to call strikes that should have been balls.  We have technology which is clearly superior to the human judgement, why in this particular instance to we want to hold onto the obese jerks who keep blowing games today?  This solution even SAVES MONEY!  NOTE THEY ARE TESTING THIS IN THE MINORS.  THERE IS HOPE FOR THE FUTURE.
  10. DH in the National League also. Why anyone wants to watch pitchers flail helplessly and kill the excitement of a rally every third inning, is a mystery to me.  Plus we get to watch home run hitters extend their careers for a few more years. Home run hitters are exciting, automatic outs are not. NOTE THIS HAS BEEN ADOPTED.
  11. Enable more stolen bases.

A.  Max two throws to the base to hold the runner on. Steals are fun, multiple throws to first is stupor inducing. Steal are a blast, watching throws over to first is awful.

B.  When a runner attempts a steal, as long as they touch the base before tagged they are safe.  This nonsense where they slide off the base and get tagged out, destroys the fun.  I bet steals double.

There you have it, advice literally worth zillions to pro baseball if they would only listen to a lifetime fan.

2 thoughts on “HOW TO FIX BASEBALL

  1. So the last baseball game I attended went into its 5th hour before its conclusion in the 12th or was it 15th? Who knows as only the sports writers and stadium staff were still there when the game ended. All the fans had given up and were in their cars, on the metro and generally not caring about the outcome. Why didn’t you suggest limiting the length of the game to 7 innings? If the pitcher’s arm can’t endure past the stretch, why can my can and my patience keep going. Other than the cheerleader suggestion – another chauvinistic ploy – I say let’s try them all and make baseball more fun!


    1. I am not for shortening the game to seven innings as I like to see the bullpen come into play. I can see ending the game after the 12th by awarding it to the team with the most hits though, kind of like a soccer penalty kick deal. OR maybe most homers in ten pitches?


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