Adults who spend time on children’s play activities, for our mocking amusement
Remember the biblical passage from the Apostle Paul, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I understood like a child, I thought like a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish ways” Well, there are some loons out there who missed this memo. Like, completely missed this wisdom.
For example, I just read about some dummkopf German zanies, who walk imaginary dogs. That’s right, a collar and leash but no rottweiler at the end. How this hobby came into being, is another of the mysteries of the cosmos. That it has gotten its start in Germany, whom most would consider a rather dull and sober race (heretofore a country mostly notable for lousy food, good beer, and sporty cars), makes this phenomenon even more puzzling. Though one have to admit, that imaginary dogs take only limited maintenance, and are harmless to your rugs and slippers. But of what POSITIVE value are animals that does not exist?
Actual quote from a German woman who makes a living teaching OTHERS to walk air dogs.
Professional Hobby Dog trainer Barbara Gerlinger simply shrugs at the ridicule. She takes her job seriously and designs her own courses for “hobby dogging,” complete with cones, obstacles and a good dose of imagination. “Hop! Hop! Hop,” calls the 65-year-old as her participants (multiple(?) crazies) jump over small poles with reinforced leashes. The participants pat the air at their feet, reaching into their pockets for imaginary treats. “Good! Well done!” You can almost hear the imaginary panting. Gerlinger made the leashes herself, designed to look like someone is walking an invisible dog. “It’s a little crazy,” she admits. “But what isn’t crazy? We live in a crazy world.”
Professional Invisible Dog Walker. Note: No Schnauzer in that collar.
Okay, some bad jokes to add to the mockery. Favorite breed of Hobby doggers: Airedale. Most common hobby dog name: Casper. What do hobby dogs eat? Kibbles Extremely Lite. Hobby Doggers favorite Movie: Lady and the Hypothetical Tramp. Where do Hobby Doggers live? In the Sanitarium. Enough.
The other breaking trend in inexplicable adult activities is Hobby Horsing. These ersatz equine enthusiasts use stick horses (like little kids play horsie with) to compete in phantasmagorical imaginary dressage events. Really. The prance about on sticks with pretend horse heads on them. There are actual judges for these imaginary competitions. In public! Must cause great hilarity back at the water cooler at work when this guy comes by.
This sport originated in Finland, a country remarkable for…absolutely nothing that comes to mind. Modern Pentathlon, maybe? Packaged sleet? Anyway, apparently living in darkness for 10 months a year has a way of warping some psyches. There are now even events held in the United States. Apparently we don’t have enough of our own preposterous sports, we have to also import farcical ones from obscure norse countries.
I predict that both of these activities will be popular in our most harebrained states, such as California, Oregon, and Washington. (AKA, the hippie dippie states.)
I plan in fact on founding a professional league to cash in on this under exploited activity. I expect huge advertising revenues from the Pot and Cocaine industries, (both completely legal in the Hippie states). And also the psychiatric profession. I am accepting investments to the Professional Hobby Horse League (PHHL). For investment prospectus, send $1000 in bearer bonds to: Bushwood Investments LLC, GeorgeTown, Cayman Islands, c/o Shifty Omario Esquire.
I have previously reported on Bronies, who are adults who are obsessessed with little girl toy horses, (what is it about horses that turns people batshit crazy?).
And also, the Japanese obsession with trains.
Also Furries, adults who dress up in cartoon character costumes.
Stay tuned in 2026 for more revelations and snarky mocking of strange adults activities.
Billy Bushwood's BS Blog 