History of the World 2 Stars out of 10. The Last Goodbye 2 stars

Stuck inside due to the not so major snowstorm yesterday, so watched these movies. Both made by famous and accomplished Directors, Robert Altman and Mel Brooks respectively. These movies are dreadful. Awful. Unwatchable.

First the History of the World. Mel Brooks ran out of comic ammunition with this spoof of movies about ancient Rome. It Stars Brooks, Dom DeLouise, and Madeline Kahn as Romans. Poor Sid Caesar plays a caveman in a cameo. He is not funny, although this is not his fault. The material is awful. Was having a guy named Caesar in movie an intentional pun? Who cares?

Nothing any of these people do is remotely funny. I would summarize the plot, but who cares? All the jokes fall flat. In summary, don’t watch this abomination. I gave up after half an hour. I couldn’t take the mental pain longer than that. Sad to see Brooks fail so completely. I am a HUGE fan of his masterpieces, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, and The producers. Spaceballs is..just OK. (Doing a sequel; why?)

The Long Goodbye was Directed by Robert Altman. Nominated several times for Oscars, producer of movies beloved by critics. And one of my favorite movies, MASH. Nashville. McCabe and Mrs Miller. And Popeye (unwatchable and wierd).

The movie is based on the book by Raymond Chandler, featuring his hard drinking, cynical private dick (hah!) Phillip Marlowe. Unlike other treatments of this best selling author, this movie stinks. (See The Big Sleep, with Humphrey Bogart).

Altman assembled a bunch of TV level actors, with Elliot Gould as Marlowe. Nina Von Pallandt is the femme fatale. Sterling Hayden is the alcoholic writer who has faded into insignificance.

The movie is a satire of the hard bitten private eye, murder mystery genre. Well, its a black comedy, which means its NOT FUNNY; (unfunny is the definition of a black comedy).

In the books, Marlowe is constantly downing booze. In this movie, he keeps turning down drinks but smokes incessently Always lighting, inhaling, etc Its so ANNOYING. Hahahah not.

Gould, a B level actor, walks around mumbling boring and inane comments. Always with a cigarette in his mouth. He is unconvincing as a tough guy. He beats no one up. He gets slugged and threatened by a bad guy, the weasely Mark Rydell (who?) He does not get the girl, or any girl at all. Hahaha…unnnn. Boring. I guess that’s the funny, or ironic part? Our hero is an incel?

Altman apparently thought that scantily clad girls throwing themselves at spies and private detectives such as Marlowe is worth mocking. He parks four sexy girls in the apartment across from Marlowe’s, who sit outside streching topless. Marlowe makes no attempt to look at them, seduce them, nothing. Wow, a master class in film irony! And BORING except the brief tittelation.

Gould’s portrays Marlowe as an idiot. So funny! If I wanted to see someone spoofing a hardboiled PI, I would have watched the movie The Black Bird. There are actually a few laughs in that one. Or the Cheap Detective. Von Pallandt and Hayden took the movie off, and provide no particular interest. Henry Gibson is inert in his minor role.

Its too bad Altman chose to butcher a good murder mystery written by Chandler. The mystery is actually compelling. Gould /Marlowe’s solving of the mystery is OK but there are many missing plot points.

Ignore this suggestion made by Prime. I wish I had.

Bushwood Movie Suggestions:

The above movies by Mel Brooks. Plus, Silent Movie. To be or Not to Be is allright

By Altman: MASH.

Raymond Chandler/Phillip Marlowe movies: The Big Sleep, with Bogart. Farewell My Lovely, with Mitchum.

The Cheap Detective. Peter Falk spoofs Bogart detective movies. Has moments.