Movie Rating: 2 out of 10 stars Woke Nonsense Factor: 9 obnoxious points out of 10

Margo Robbie is actually prettier than the doll

For months I avoided watching this movie, for fear that it would be so estrogen centric as to be grating and annoying to any owner of two X chromosomes. I can confirm that to any red blooded male, watching this movie is like riding your bike down a steep hill into a tree. Very painful. 

However, I was stuck on a long flight overseas (Devils Island convict tour). With nothing to do but watch the in flight movies, I found my curiosity piqued. This was a HUGE hit movie, many women (no guys) said they enjoyed it. So in the spirit of informing my tiny reading public, I confer the following.

I had to make a choice in my review. Did the authors of this pink nightmare believe in the uber feminist/marxist nonsense that the characters in the movie expectorated, or were the tenants said nonsense being mocked? Knowing this is a hollywood product, I knew of course that the writers and directors believed in every word.

The movie stars Margo Robbie, who is gorgeous as always and a doppelganger for the doll. Note there is a flabby Barbie, Barbies of all races. No satanist Barbie, how did they miss that demographic? Ryan Gosling is one of many Kens, and the co star. America Ferrara is Gloria, a low level Mattel employee. Her daughter is Sasha, portrayed by Ariana Greenblatt; (having to portray the most obnoxious teenage girl in the history of moving pictures). Michael Sera is in the movie, with nothing to say and no discernable part. His presence is beyond confusing. Maybe he is gay Ken?

At the beginning of the movie, Barbie and her fellow Barbies, along with a passel of Kens, frolic in a make believe world. Presumably the minds of little girls who play with them. Barbies completely rule this world, Kens are simply appendages for Barbies, (when they want them around).

For no particular reason given, Robbie Barbie starts to have doubts as to the merits of living in the fake world. The Robbie Barbie, and the Gosling Ken, break out into the real world. How this is possible is not made clear. Incoherent hollywood magic. Hilarious fish out of water comedy is supposed to ensue. It does not. 

Let me say, as a movie, Barbie stinks. The plot is convoluted and often makes no sense at all. One of the many male actors named Ken, Ryan Gosling, is able to conquer Barbie land (the fake parallel universe that the doll Barbie inhabits) and turn its female inhabitants into mindless servants of the Ken population. How this was achieved is left unexplained. Just one of many examples of such lazy writing. The Kens’ turn as rulers is the only funny part of the movie. 

The action lurches around searching for coherence, in which it fails miserably. The moral of the story, as far as am able to understand, is that loving Barbie dolls as a child is OK. That Ken and other males can exist without being animated by the love of the Barbie dolls. (Huh? Are there many real men whose very existence is subject to the control of women, so this is in doubt)? Also, that women can be mothers or secretaries, and that should be acceptable. Note this theme in a world where there are no commercially available Mommy Barbies with babies. And radical where the culture is owned by the radical woman power elites. Such as the hairspray brains who wrote this travesty. 

Will Farrell plays the CEO of Mattel, the toy company that makes Barbie. He, and his entire management team, are portrayed as brainless idiots. All of the Kens are similarly portrayed. Despite all males in the real world being morons, (and those in the fake Barbie world also). the movie posits that males here control EVERYTHING. Compared to fake Barbie land, where plastic females rule everything. Does anyone really believe that we males control everything in the real world? What a trainload of hooey.

I could go on about the marxist ideology expressed by Sasha, who rants about the evils of Capitalism. She and her fellow teenage harridans think that Barbie makes all girls feel bad about themselves. Her mother has poor self esteem because she has a low level administrative job and her despicable daughter hates her. She herself goes on an extended rant about how put upon women are, you know, they have to be great mothers, and run companies or be lawyers, be pretty, and no one appreciates them enough. Wah Wah. As a guy, it should make you want to barf. 

At the end of this travesty of a chick empowerment movie, I was left dumbfounded as to how ANYONE could have enjoyed it. Its weird, farcical, stupid. Watch Gilligan’s Island reruns if you are so masochistic as to enjoy such vapid fare. That show actually has plots that have a modicum of logic to them. 

In conclusion, Margot Robbie did not get an Oscar nomination. Well, she is not BIPOC, why would she? But further, she has one expression the entire movie. There is no acting in smiling constantly, never breaking into any other expression. As for the twit brains who wrote this illogical mess, Greta Gerwig and Norma Baumbach, they did not get any nominations either. Not that they deserved one; (why does anyone care about the Oscars anymore? They are all about virtue signalling anyways).

I hereby nominate them for a Razzie each. These they richly deserve.