Apparently The World Needs to Get Smellier

Let’s all hail science!

Often this obscure blogger has been uncomplimentary towards Californians, although lets face it, they are a pretty easy target for ridicule. 

Any Californians not yet living in Austin or Orlando, can take  heart that there are equally puzzling and mock worthy folks living all across the world.

Lest you think I made up a story such as this, I call your attention to Project Odeuropa, a $3.3 MILLION dollar (!) project funded by the European Union.  (Gee, is it any wonder why the Brits want to get out of that looney bin?)

https://newsforkids.net/articles/2020/11/24/scientists-plan-to-recreate-old-smells/

Odeuropa Lead Scientist

I suspect there are already  places that are none to fragrant in London, including down by the Thames at low tide,  and the dumpsters behind Indian restaurants which serve 10 alarm curry.  English Winos and addicts likely smell very similar to American winos and addicts, and you can enjoy that olfactory experience at no cost to the EU. And doubtless, 10,000 others including wet dog hair, cheap deodorant etc.

But some enterprising scientists have managed to conjure up a career for themselves by re creating the smells of olden times.  Specifically, someone thought that rather than feeding the homeless, we are better off re-releasing the stenches of olden times. 

I quote from the article,

“This includes smells such as incense or spices, but also things like burning tar or animal poop.”

For some context of the olfactory elements that impacted smells in London from 1500-1900, I point out that there were then 50,00 horses in London.  (See, the great horse manure crisis of 1894).  Each of them left multiple piles a day.  There was no outdoor plumbing, so people emptied their chamber pots out the window.  People thought baths were bad for you and so did not take them.  People wore the same vile smelly garment EVERY DAY. 

So essentially, just about everything in history before 1900 SMELLED REALLY BAD.

For the measly cost of $3.3M, we can return to these odiferous yet nostalgic times.  Eau de horse carcass, the sweet smell of rotting teeth, and unwashed garments. 

If you really want to experience these wonderful old time smells, you can  visit a tent city  in just about any modern city, and commune with the released mental patients.  Alternatively, take a tour of a riding stable or a boxing gym.  Cost to the EU; €0.00

With the money we have left over, we can treat 100,000 homeless people to a new pair of socks and a warm meal.  And maybe put these otherwise apparently unemployable scientists to work figuring out how to solve the Covid Crisis. 

One thought on “Apparently The World Needs to Get Smellier

  1. I have often thought about how awful the world must have smelled before science provided us with ways to avoid it.  It has never occurred to me that there was a valid reason for re-creating the odors of unbrushed/rotting teeth, open sewers, burning fuel oil, unbathed bodies, rotting things of all sorts including people.    Great topic for Billy to highlight as a silly project!  Who knows though, kids might learn to appreciate the need for good hygiene or cleaning up!  Be well,  Barbara Buzzell

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